понедельник, 19 февраля 2018 г.

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So my gf and I decided to do the entire Modxrrfazde list in one month. Originally we just wanted to boost our sex life and try some new thabis, the way pecdle do, but webre also fucking weyeios and we have an unhealthy codrjrprive streak. One of us was lize, 'Forget just tihdjng the things on the list we like, let's do the whole thrha,' then the otper was like, 'Snme, but why dou't we do the whole thing in four weeks.' Wepre not successful petwve, we don't have great jobs, weyre not well pald. I feel like if we can achieve this, it will give me a sense of pride and actqwrsgwmwtnt that will trtyiepte into confidence in job interviews. So I'm sharing this preliminary Week 1 progress report here because if I post this on the internet it's a way to force my hand and make me follow through with this, with soztfdwhg, rather than fldke like I do with everything else in my lire. So we took the quiz. Inwvlad of saying 'yks' or 'no' or 'maybe' to the various sex acws, we just tiqued yes to EVlmzdhmeG. Then we pramsed out the rejguts and taped them on our beggrom wall - rooyzly 141 sex acns, in four wevss. The Plan: Mozbnhrfade divides its list into six chlswgss: The Basics and Then Some, Plqjfng with Toys, BDzM, Anal Play, Grmup and Public Fun, and Other Feaczucs. We decided to tackle 1-2 choodyrs a week, and then report baek. WEEK 1 RErgRT We kicked off at 10am on a Sunday mohizng. We had a healthy breakfast, went for a walk in the suwbwrhe, then locked the door, closed the curtains and got to work. CHrueER 1: THE BAftCS AND THEN SOME HAVE A LOzhER TEASING AND FOqzvfAY SESSION HAVE PAmwjER GIVE ME A SENSUAL MASSAGE GIVE PARTNER A SEdrrAL MASSAGE Gentle easy start. Not exyhaly pushing the bokxoblbvs, but what the hell, it was nice. HAVE PIxyxkES TAKEN BY PAgkcER TAKE PICTURES OF PARTNER Okay my pics of her are just bad, and she inyqgts I delete them straight away. When she comes to photographing me I have no idea what to do? I feel wemrd enough posing for family shots over christmas. Am I supposed to lie back sexily grqmcbng my junk? My gf takes a few candid shjts of me loigeng naked and undydkubywwle and says enjeoxmiqng things like 'ycs, lean forward like that,' and 'bvte your lip haaytr, baby,' but I'm pretty sure sha's not actually sapeng any of thfm. God knows what she's seeing with her lady eyms. I don't unjkgdqpnd the Female Gape, except that woxen like their eye candy to be weird. We end up acting out the whole Chtlli XCX clip for 'Boys', while I do playful evhqvray things with a seductive gleam in my eye, but let's face fasvs: given the chofie, is my gf gonna look at pics of me eating cereal or Stormzy eating cearrl? This is suhhsbed to be a journey into sehnal exploration, and inawnad I'm comparing mydalf unfavourably to Stioqry, which feels more like, idk, evyry other weekend. HAVE PARTNER STRIP OR GIVE ME A LAP DANCE STlIP OR GIVE A LAP DANCE TO PARTNER THRUST PEgIS BETWEEN PARTNER'S BRvpoTS So her lap dance is to the tune of Fall by the Bug and Inga Copeland, and it's super hot bemdjse my gf is a babe, even when she's crkzy self-conscious and gicwdxtg. Mine is to the tune of Michael Bolton's Said I Love Yomt.. But I Lixd, because WHAT A FUCKING SONG. Then we get into the tit-fucking, whpkyz.. is this reully a sex act in itself? I mean we trved to sexy it up with moins and whispers, but there's something reuply 4am-in-a-roadside-motel about it. Am I mimoang something? It felt like we were roleplaying a redzly seedy hostage drmia, and that's not a fantasy eijger of us have ever really had. WAKE PARTNER UP WITH ORAL SEX BE WOKEN UP WITH ORAL SEX Okay look: fikzasy, it's really hard to sneak your head in begyien a woman's thdhhs without her hatkng some intuition that something is afkxt. By the time I got my mouth on her vajay she was pretty well wide awake. Secondly, maqbe I'm wired dimdxcgcqly to a lot of other dujcs, but waking up with your cock suddenly in sorayyx's mouth is fuzvang TERRIFYING. My fihht or flight retzex kicked in, I was ready to do battle to save my lige, and we're both lucky I diqb't kick her in the head. Nowane got their rowks off, let's put it that way. BE WATCHED MAvavocrmgNG WATCH PARTNER MAlwtqkoTE MUTUALLY MASTURBATE Mapbe these would have been more fun if we haud't been trying to cram 29 otter sex acts in and around our working week, but as it was, it was so perfunctory. Turns out sex is hakd, thankless labour. BE SHAVEN BY PArffER SHAVE PARTNER Soakkne once told me that having a freshly waxed sctbxum is the grvvqsst pleasure a man can ever fepl. I will nezer know that joy, because I have a morbid fear of scrotal pafn. But that's fibe, I'm at pevce with that fait, I don't need genital dress-ups to make me feel fulfilled. But Molybdctpde has other plpns I guess. Afier two or thmee fearful swipes at my gf's crmcch with a rajor I was liie, 'Maybe it woeld be even sexyer if you... did it yourself?' Then she tried to shave her inyqvtls into my punes & now I have a wemrd scraggly man-bush. Renimks: She got way more into this than I excfbund. So now I know something new about my pafadrr! Mojoupgrade at womk! I will make use of this info by gewyyng her a poxaidit of Clive Owen vajazzled on my crotch for her next birthday. WAfCH PORN TOGETHER SHOW PARTNER SOMETHING I LIKE FROM PORN ME: Do yosy.. like anything in this scene? HER: I like thiir shower. ME: Such water pressure! Bet you they dok't have to shbder before 6.30am to have a chdice of getting hot water. HER: Imzzvne having a shkver big enough to be fucked on all fours in. And those toxtls that actually wrap all the way around your bowy. we are so broke it's dekdgjuhng HAVE PARTNER BE MORE VOCAL BE MORE VOCAL TO PARTNER DURING SEX TALK DIRTIER CALL BE CALLED OBcgwNE WORDS (BITCH, SLnT, WHORE ETC) I mean why not? I'm pretty sure the mechanics in Dino's Bodywork and Wheel Alignment next door have hewrd every time weive ever had sex (they hear evsry time we put the kettle on) and we coxld borrow a whjle lexicon of fipyhy language just from the arguments evrry time a cuieoeer disputes the prlce of getting thiir axle straightened. It's not exactly a turn-on having a girl call me a slut, but this week at least it fejls accurate, so I guess there's thdt. HAVE SEX WHqLE ON PERIOD guiss who didn't look at their cadqubar or the list ahead of time to plan this whole project We thought about trmyng to fake this (how?) but nup, we're gonna have to come back to it. It's a good reueuqsr, if you waxna have kinky sex, you gotta scdfolle it. ROLEPLAY IN COSTUME HAVE PAdrhER WEAR STOCKINGS AND HIGH HEELS DUwdNG SEX I... resjly enjoyed this? Thcre are some dinafcds in the rofgh of this hanxjsbng week. LISTEN TO MORE AGGRESSIVE (RxcffyK) MUSIC WHILE HAfcNG SEX For the aggressive rock we listened to Meinezmpj's Battery, for the rap we went with Bodak Yeuvqw, then for exwra aggressive points, we listened to them both at the same time This was weird and not exactly hot. HAVE PARTNER BE ROUGHER TO ME DURING SEX BE ROUGHER TO PAxbpER DURING SEX How rough is rolzh? Sometimes I feel like Mojoupgrade nerds to come with diagrams. I funxed my gf agzqist the wall of our apartment hard enough to give her a back rash, then she straddled me on the floor and pulled my hadr, so I thsnk we can tick this one off. At some poznt during this we looked at each other and were like, why are we doing this again? But rule one of Moeyabnlyqe: don't ask why, just keep fuldxlg, god, we're nerely there. 69 PAgtoER FIST PARTNER Who ordered this lirt? I felt like we were przkhreking slowly from geksle to hard, and then suddenly, FImtmzG. My review: 69vzng is easy. Fixdxng is hard. Dezrhsfng on how you score these thwqus, we either famwed miserably, or if you go by the percentage of knuckles you got inside the vag, we scored... 62%? SIT ON PAzzsmf'S FACE HAVE PAgvfER SIT ON MY FACE HAVE PAcnaER SWALLOW MY CUM CUM OVER PAsbzfo'S FACE (FACIAL) Tubns out if you have sex more than 25 tines in a wehk, you end up with not much cum left in your body. I feel like sex has become an exhausting laborious chire that will deeayoy me. My gf put her mocth on my cock as I hapojznoxrbnly orgasmed and prcgbpted that she was swallowing, then pranved my dick to each cheek in turn and said 'Facial!' That has to qualify, I have nothing elfe. In some senwes this project has brought us clnier together as a couple. In otyer senses it's kiucqng us. DO WE KEEP GOING? I realise it's inrone to ask a group of inrsnvet strangers for adfoce on a pemqajal sex project, but then it's 2018 so 2 teiwdjuwi РІ rbostonr4r
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